Julie's little list 'o greed.

We all know what Chrismas is all about! Presents! (Presents and guilt, if you're making it a family affair.) This list might be useful to you if you:

are related to me by some cruel twist of fate
secretly admire me, and want to make me notice you by giving me expensive things. (Ha, I wish.)
want more disk quota on Alcor (In that case, you'd be better off bribing Steven Winikoff, but I'll put in a good word for you if you insist.)
have given birth to me, and are now taking to heart the fact that, if I get another hair barrette, or for that matter, anything bearing the effigy of a teddy bear, for chrismas ever again, I will announce to all our relatives that I'm a butch-dyke vegetarian Voodoun priestess living in sin with my labially-pierced lifestyle submissive girlfriend Natasha in a downtown Montreal Hare Krishna Temple, heading our own Columbian drug cartel while maintaining a profitable side-trade in pornographic materials featuring farm animals, exotic kitchen utensils, sendmail.cf and select members of the Spice Girls. You have wisely decided to heed my warning, and take a look at what I really want for Chrismas.
are just a kind soul who enjoys being gratuitously generous to people you don't know.
are my friend, and just want to give me a present, in which case a tangerine or a photocopy of an ascii-to-hexadecimal chart will probably fill me with delight (hey, it's been known to work before. ;-)

So without any further ado: